My Shared Folder

Dancing On The Corpses' Ashes

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 05:53:43 GMT

this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational---this station is non-operational

Sorry.

Honestly, I think it is probably pretty obvious that I've lost interest here. By now, most of you probably have, too.

It's been a nice run. Everything will be staying up to provide free music links as long as those links stay alive. Maybe I will come back someday.

Thanks for all the support.

- Andy

"I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 06:41:24 GMT

Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) and Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips), FBI agents, escort John Saunders (Mark Houghton), a former Mafia member, to testify in a highly publicized case. In the course of a flight between Ohio and California, an assassin releases hundreds of venomous snakes in the hope of killing the witness.

"I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" - Neville Flynn, from Snakes On A Plane

The Guesstimates - Two Snakes On A Plane
Snakes On A Plane (teaser trailer)

Save The Internet!

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 19:25:31 GMT

Dear MoveOn member,

Do you buy books online, use Google, or download to an Ipod? These activities, plus MoveOn's online organizing ability, will be hurt if Congress passes a radical law that gives giant corporations more control over the Internet.

Internet providers like AT&T and Verizon are lobbying Congress hard to gut Network Neutrality, the Internet's First Amendment. Net Neutrality prevents AT&T from prioritizing which websites open most easily for you based on which site pays AT&T more. Amazon.com doesn't have to outbid Barnes & Noble for the right to work more properly on your computer.

If Net Neutrality is gutted, MoveOn either pays protection money to dominant Internet providers or risks that online activism tools don't work for members. Amazon and Google either pay protection money or risk that their websites process slowly on your computer. That why these high-tech pioneers are joining the fight to protect Network Neutrality1—and you can do your part today.

The free and open Internet is under seige—can you sign this petition letting your member of Congress know you support preserving Network Neutrality? Click here:

http://www.civic.moveon.org/save_the_internet/

Then, please forward this to 3 friends. Protecting the free and open Internet is fundamental—it affects everything. When you sign this petition, you'll be kept informed of the next steps we can take to keep the heat on Congress. Votes begin in a House committee next week.

MoveOn has already seen what happens when the Internet's gatekeepers get too much control. Just last week, AOL blocked any email mentioning a coalition that MoveOn is a part of, which opposes AOL's proposed "email tax."2 And last year, Canada's version of AT&T—Telus—blocked their Internet customers from visiting a website sympathetic to workers with whom Telus was negotiating.3

Politicians don't think we are paying attention to this issue. Many of them take campaign checks from big telecom companies and are on the verge of selling out to people like AT&T's CEO, who openly says, "The internet can't be free."4

Together, we can let Congress know we are paying attention. We can make sure they listen to our voices and the voices of people like Vint Cerf, a father of the Internet and Google's "Chief Internet Evangelist," who recently wrote this to Congress in support of preserving Network Neutrality:

My fear is that, as written, this bill would do great damage to the Internet as we know it. Enshrining a rule that broadly permits network operators to discriminate in favor of certain kinds of services and to potentially interfere with others would place broadband operators in control of online activity...Telephone companies cannot tell consumers who they can call; network operators should not dictate what people can do online.4

The essence of the Internet is at risk—can you sign this petition letting your member of Congress know you support preserving Network Neutrality? Click here:

http://www.civic.moveon.org/save_the_internet/

Please forward to 3 others who care about this issue. Thanks for all you do.

–Eli Pariser, Adam Green, Noah T. Winer, and the MoveOn.org Civic Action team
Thursday, April 20th, 2006

P.S. If Congress abandons Network Neutrality, who will be affected?
Advocacy groups like MoveOn—Political organizing could be slowed by a handful of dominant Internet providers who ask advocacy groups to pay "protection money" for their websites and online features to work correctly.

- Nonprofits—A charity's website could open at snail-speed, and online contributions could grind to a halt, if nonprofits can't pay dominant Internet providers for access to "the fast lane" of Internet service.
Google users—Another search engine could pay dominant Internet providers like AT&T to guarantee the competing search engine opens faster than Google on your computer.

- Innovators with the "next big idea"—Startups and entrepreneurs will be muscled out of the marketplace by big corporations that pay Internet providers for dominant placing on the Web. The little guy will be left in the "slow lane" with inferior Internet service, unable to compete.

- Ipod listeners—A company like Comcast could slow access to iTunes, steering you to a higher-priced music service that it owned.
Online purchasers—Companies could pay Internet providers to guarantee their online sales process faster than competitors with lower prices—distorting your choice as a consumer.

- Small businesses and tele-commuters—When Internet companies like AT&T favor their own services, you won't be able to choose more affordable providers for online video, teleconferencing, Internet phone calls, and software that connects your home computer to your office.

- Parents and retirees—Your choices as a consumer could be controlled by your Internet provider, steering you to their preferred services for online banking, health care information, sending photos, planning vacations, etc.

- Bloggers—Costs will skyrocket to post and share video and audio clips—silencing citizen journalists and putting more power in the hands of a few corporate-owned media outlets.

To sign the petition to Congress supporting "network neutrality," click here:
http://www.civic.moveon.org/save_the_internet/

P.P.S. This excerpt from the New Yorker really sums up this issue well.

In the first decades of the twentieth century, as a national telephone network spread across the United States, A.T. & T. adopted a policy of "tiered access" for businesses. Companies that paid an extra fee got better service: their customers' calls went through immediately, were rarely disconnected, and sounded crystal-clear. Those who didn't pony up had a harder time making calls out, and people calling them sometimes got an "all circuits busy" response. Over time, customers gravitated toward the higher-tier companies and away from the ones that were more difficult to reach. In effect, A.T. & T.'s policy turned it into a corporate kingmaker.

If you've never heard about this bit of business history, there's a good reason: it never happened. Instead, A.T. & T. had to abide by a "common carriage" rule: it provided the same quality of service to all, and could not favor one customer over another. But, while "tiered access" never influenced the spread of the telephone network, it is becoming a major issue in the evolution of the Internet.

Until recently, companies that provided Internet access followed a de-facto commoncarriage rule, usually called "network neutrality," which meant that all Web sites got equal treatment. Network neutrality was considered so fundamental to the success of the Net that Michael Powell, when he was chairman of the F.C.C., described it as one of the basic rules of "Internet freedom." In the past few months, though, companies like A.T. & T. and BellSouth have been trying to scuttle it. In the future, Web sites that pay extra to providers could receive what BellSouth recently called "special treatment," and those that don't could end up in the slow lane. One day, BellSouth customers may find that, say, NBC.com loads a lot faster than YouTube.com, and that the sites BellSouth favors just seem to run more smoothly. Tiered access will turn the providers into Internet gatekeepers.4

Sources:

1. "Telecommunication Policy Proposed by Congress Must Recognize Internet Neutrality," Letter to Senate leaders, March 23, 2006
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1653

2. "AOL Blocks Critics' E-Mails," Los Angeles Times, April 14, 2006
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1649

3. "B.C. Civil Liberties Association Denounces Blocking of Website by Telus," British Columbia Civil Liberties Association Statement, July 27, 2005
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1650

4. "At SBC, It's All About 'Scale and Scope," BusinessWeek, November 7, 2002
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1648

5. "Net Losses," New Yorker, March 20, 2006
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1646

6. "Don't undercut Internet access," San Francisco Chronicle editorial, April 17, 2006
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1645

By Request Only

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 05:07:51 GMT

To see this and others, visit The Museum Of Bad Album Covers.

Is Anyone Else Besides Me Sick Of This Guy Yet?

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 21:28:35 GMT

Is anyone else besides me sick of hearing about Matisyahu? From the music of his that I've heard, I've not been that impressed. It's not bad, but it's not Bob Marley, either. I think the only reason anyone cares is because he's Hasidic Jew doing reggae music; kind of like, "Look at him, isn't that wacky?" In a way, if you really think about it, his popularity is kind of racist - he's being singled out because he is ethnically different from the majority of reggae musicians. In many ways, he is Eminem of the reggae world - not standing out necessarily on the merit of talent, but at least somewhat on the basis of his color.

There is something kind of interesting in the Jah/Yahweh cutlural and religious interplay, though, if you think about it.

The only thing I like about the above picture is his Dracula/Buffalo Bill Silents Of The Lambs death's head moth stance. The door in the background is kind of cool, too.

Matisyahu: A most unorthodox pop star
Thu Mar 30, 12:26 PM ET

NEW YORK (AFP) - Matthew Miller cuts a striking figure on stage with his black hat and beard. The fervent Hasidic Jew better known as Matisyahu is also an unlikely rising star of reggae and rap.

The 26-year-old has reconciled strict religious demands with a staccato chant pop style that has taken his latest album "Youth" straight into the Billboard charts at number four with 120,000 copies sold in one week.

With the help of internet chat rooms, in a few months Matisyahu has gone from local shows to headlining national events. He will be one of the top names at the Lollapalooza festival in Chicago in August.

But no shows on a Friday, the eve of the Sabbath, and no fraternising with female fans. "There's always one drunk girl who runs up to give me a hug. I have to pull away," he said in a recent interview with Rolling Stone magazine.

His rap is hardcore but puts across a positive message:

"Strip away the layers and reveal your soul,

Give yourself up and then you become whole".

Matisyahu has already gone through the rebellious phase of his life.

Born in to a non-religious Jewish family, he spent much of his younger years living in the New York suburb of White Plains. He went to a Hebrew school twice a week as a child but says he was often threatened with expulsion for disrupting classes.

It was as a 16-year-old on a camping trip to Colorado that he discovered religion. From there he went on a trip to Israel that he says "stirred" his Jewish identity.

After that trip, the youth dropped out of his home school and was sent to a wilderness school in Oregon, where he ended up studying reggae and hip-hop music and began performing under the name MC Truth.

He returned to New York in 2000 to study, started regularly attending a synagogue and met a rabbi who convinced him to become a Lubavitch Hasadic Jew.

MC Truth, who once sceptical of authority, became "Matisyahu", the Hebrew version of Matthew.

Matisyahu's entourage say his music combines the sounds of late reggae legend Bob Marley and Shlomo Carlebach, a rabbi who became one of Israel's best known singers of the 20th century.

Bill Werde, a senior editor at Billboard magazine, explained Matisyahu's appeal.

"There's a lot of interest in reggae and in general Jamaican music in the US right now, if you look at the success of other artists like Sean Paul or Wyclef Jean," Werde told AFP.

"His music is good, his songs are good. He has sort of a positive uplifting message and I think that's really reasonating with people right now."

Matisyahu has definitely arrived. He told Rolling Stone he had been invited by Madonna, a recent convert to the mystic Jewish faith of Kabbalah, for the Passover festival.

"I don't know if I can go. I'll have to check it out with, like, multiple people, to make sure it's kosher," the rapper said on the Jimmy Kimmel television show which helped launch his career.

The rabbis generally approve of his music, he added, because they back anything to "help people to connect to their godliness".

Time will tell if Matisyahu becomes a longstanding pop sensation.

But Werde said that while the rapper has a Jewish "base" he was now "a mainstream pop success story".

"Because of Matisyahu's appearance, he was able to create a critical amount of buzz. If he didn't have the music to back it up, he would not sustain his rise. And the fact of the matter is these are great songs, and it's a message that people are clearly responding to."

Key Phrases To Back My Opinion

- "Because of Matisyahu's appearance, he was able to create a critical amount of buzz."

- Matisyahu has definitely arrived. He told Rolling Stone he had been invited by Madonna, a recent convert to the mystic Jewish faith of Kabbalah, for the Passover festival. "I don't know if I can go. I'll have to check it out with, like, multiple people, to make sure it's kosher," the rapper said on the Jimmy Kimmel television show which helped launch his career.

Get it? Kosher! All we need is Al Jolson saying, "You ain't seen nothin' yet!"

"Baby's Got The Power!"

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 22:07:22 GMT

I've been meaning to post the Chow Nasty video for "Ungawa" for some time now. The first time I tried, my browser crashed as I was posting, so the link was lost. Pretty depressing. Anyway, I finally got back around to it, so here it is. Fun.

Chow Nasty - Ungawa (music video)

Jumping The Shark

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 21:39:48 GMT

"Steal My Sunshine" by Len. "Teenage Dirtbag" by Wheatus. "Nth Degree" by Morningwood.

They are the saccharine songs that everyone seems to love to hate. And yet I love them all. And some of the album covers spoofed in this video show that the band must surely have good taste in music. (Morgenholz=Kraftwerk). Hate them if you must - hate me now if you must - but here they are in all their glory.

Morningwood - Nth Degree (music video)

Discography Database

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 22:37:33 GMT

Discogs is "a user-built database of music information. Imagine a site with discographies of all labels, all artists, all cross-referenced. It's getting closer every day. You can help build Discogs by submitting information about missing releases, artists, and labels."

One-Two Punch

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 22:26:01 GMT

Well, I was hoping to get some more cajun/zydeco music together to share this year like I did last year, but with everything that happened in New Orleans a few months back, I think that the following post might be a little more appropriate.

I don't know how this one slipped past me until now, but The Legendary K.O. has recently gained some notoriety for taking Kanye West's "Gold Digger" and mixing it up to make West's infamous political comment the focus of a "brand new" song. I typically find most modern politicized music pretty stinky and pretentious, but this is actually pretty humorous and relevant.

The Legendary K.O. - George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People

A Belated Valentine

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 22:13:33 GMT

"Happy Belated Valentine's Day!" never will quite cut it, will it? Oh well.

In the following video, The Dresden Dolls dress up as Sonny and Cher and sing "I Got You Babe" to one another. This then followed by a little bit of a burlesque show, which then segues into a rendition of "...Baby One More Time." Madonna finds her way in there, too. Enjoy!

The Dresden Dolls - Halloween 2004 Medley (music video)

Internationalism!

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 22:46:09 GMT

Sorry that I've not posted in a long time. I've been watching a lot of International Music Feed, a new channel that plays music videos from all around the world. It's pretty good, overall - it reminds me of how MTV2 used to be back in the late 90's/early 00's. I hope that it stays around a good long time.

IMF's probably not indie enough for some people, but as far as those people go, what ever will be? Good question. Some of this stuff all comes down to a pissing contest disguised as intellectualism, bohemianism (What? You aren't even Czech!) or elitism. Everyone understands the difference between substance and quantity - get off your high horses. Now it's time for me to, too. Oh well.

Watch some IMF - you'll see plenty of Nelly's "Grillz," but you'll also see M.I.A. and Nine Inch Nails; plus, all sorts of Indian music - it's about time 1/6th of the planet's population started getting some airtime in the U.S.

All in all, I'd say it's a good representation of all the music in the world, top to bottom (Britney Spears?).

"You can call us Aaron Burr from the way we're droppin' Hamiltons."

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 04:43:27 GMT

Well, it's Saturday night, and that reminds me of something - I love this new season of Saturday Night Live. If you've not watched in a while, give it a chance; there are some hilarious things on here this year, most notably the inclusion of The Lonely Island (just check the index for Incredibad/The Lonely Island for samples of their brand of comedy) and the Dane Cook episode.

Just in case you've been under a rock, here is one product of the new season of SNL.

Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell - Lazy Sunday (music video)

12,429!!!

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 23:25:55 GMT

Whoa! My Shared Folder just recently surpassed 12,000 visitors. When did that happen? I've been looking more into the statistics that I get from my SiteMeter and the results are promising - My Shared Folder is steadily moving towards its ultimate goal of world domination! Just kidding. Actually, though, I am really amazed at how diverse our readership here is - this site is viewed regularly by people from all six of the most-populated continents. Not that 12,000 is a huge number, but it is respectable, I would say.

So, here is my idea - if you read My Shared Folder, say hi. Hit the comment button below this post and introduce yourself, even if you have already once before. Tell everyone something about yourself.

Nobody will probably do it, but I am just curious as to who is reading My Shared Folder in Poland, Argentina, Australia, Israel, Japan, Turkey, Chile, India, Croatia, Morocco, and Brazil. It's great to have people gather here from all over the world. Stop in and say hello!

I Can Chew My Own Arm Off - Can You Do That? Yeah.

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 22:22:31 GMT

In many ways, Deadbolt is a band that is hard to take seriously. At the same time, however, they bill themselves as "the world's scariest band." Their music is overly-dramatic and creepy and so it is easy to just laugh it off, but then it really does become scary if you start to wonder if they really are taking themselves seriously. It's kind of that same feeling you get when you joke about death and then hear that someone you know really has died. Appropriately enough, they refer to their musical style as voodoobilly. The standout track out of the four below is "Blacktop Fever" - brooding surf rock guitars over the sounds of near-vehicular manslaughter. (Visit Deadbolt's online store.)

Deadbolt - Blacktop Fever *
Deadbolt - Macombo's Revenge *
Deadbolt - One Day I Will Kill You *
Deadbolt - El Perversio *

* You must be registered with Epitonic to be able to download these tracks.

Secret, Secret, I've Got A Secret

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 22:09:14 GMT

Well, it's not music, but Post Secret is a great thing nonetheless. I was into it a lot several months back and just got back into it. I wish I had saved copies of all the earlier postcards, but I plan on making my own archive of it from here on out.

Just in case you've not seen this site, the premise is for people to send in anonymous postcards with artistic declarations of some deep secret that they would not normally tell in real life. Since such brutal honesty is rare in real life, it makes for an interesting experience reading other peoples' secrets.

A similar, but more voyeuristic/less artistic site is Not Proud.

Memorabilia

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 22:11:03 GMT

Somehow, in the midst of everything else going on in my life (getting married, holidays, getting a new job, spending time with friends and family, etc.), I missed the first birthday of My Shared Folder back on November 9. So, everyone wish My Shared Folder a happy belated birthday!

If you are really bored, you can always go back to the first post, made back when this mp3 blog was still called What's Knittin', Kitten? and a certain musically-inclined Democrat was running for the Presidency.

Enjoy the nostalgia!

MSF Music News (January 4, 2006)

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 16:19:00 GMT

Pete Townshend Warns iPod Users Of Potential Hearing Loss
2 hours, 5 minutes ago

Guitarist Pete Townshend has warned iPod users that they could end up with hearing problems as bad as his own if they don't turn down the volume of the music they are listening to on earphones.

Townshend, 60, guitarist in the 60s band The Who, said his hearing was irreversibly damaged by years of using studio headphones and that he now is forced to take 36-hour breaks between recording sessions to allow his ears to recover.

"I have unwittingly helped to invent and refine a type of music that makes its principal components deaf," he said on his Web site. "Hearing loss is a terrible thing because it cannot be repaired. If you use an iPod or anything like it, or your child uses one, you MAY be OK ... But my intuition tells me there is terrible trouble ahead."

Referring to the increasingly popular practice of downloading music from the Internet, Townshend said: "The downside may be that on our computers — for privacy, for respect to family and co-workers, and for convenience — we use earphones at almost every stage of interaction with sound."

The Who rock group was famous for its earsplitting live performances, but Townshend said his problem was caused by using earphones in the recording studio.

Plus, they're really expensive compared to comparable mp3 players.

Whales Found to Sing in Dialects
Bjorn Carey
LiveScience Staff Writer
LiveScience.com
1 hour, 13 minutes ago

Some whale species sing in different dialects depending on where they're from, a new study shows.

Blue whales off the Pacific Northwest sound different than blue whales in the western Pacific Ocean, and these sound different than those living off Antarctica.

And they all sound different than the blue whales living near Chile.

"The whales in the eastern Pacific have a very low-pitched pulsed sounds, followed by a tone," said David Mellinger of Oregon State University. "Other populations use different combinations of pulses, tones, and pitches."

Using newly developed underwater microphones called autonomous hydrophones, Mellinger and his colleagues recorded the cacophonous symphony of whale clicks, pulses, and calls throughout the Pacific Ocean.

The hydrophones—which can be deployed independently rather than the Navy's Sound Surveillance System—were developed to listen for earthquakes. But researchers soon realized that they were picking up the sounds of right whales from 25 miles away, and even farther if the water is shallow and the terrain is even.

Researchers also heard the calls of critically endangered North Pacific right whales and sperm whales in the Gulf of Alaska. Many of the sperm whales were detected during the winter—nearly twice as many as in the summer—indicating a surprisingly active "off-season" population that scientists had never known.

"There are a handful of records of people spotting sperm whales in the region—and they're all in the summer," Mellinger said. "The Gulf of Alaska is not a place you want to be in the winter. But apparently, sperm whales don't mind."

Researchers don't know why whales around the world sound differently.

"The difference is really striking, but we don't know if it is tied to genetics, or some other reason," Mellinger said. "We don't know if they are part of a common ‘language' that different populations of whales use to communicate with each other, or if they come from a confused juvenile who hasn't completely learned the complexities of communicating."

The researchers plan to deploy three more hydrophones near a series of long-duration NOAA moorings in the Bering Sea this spring. They plan to analyze possible connections between the appearance of whales and current conditions.

The results from this and other acoustic surveys could help produce more sophisticated surveys that could allow scientists to provide data in near-real time.

The research is detailed in the January issue of the journal BioScience.

Happy Hanukkah!

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 22:51:00 GMT

Klezmer was the music of the klezmorim, a class of itinerant musicians, who played in the shtetls, or Jewish villages, of eastern Europe. The music combines elements of Gypsy, Turkish, Greek, Ukranian, Russian, and Polish music, as well as Jewish liturgical chants. Its infectious melodies and dance rhythms captivate audiences everywhere.

In April 2000, mandolinist Jeff Miller and bluegrass violinist Jeremy Brown were looking to play Klezmer. They recruited bassist Iggie Tiemann from the Smokehouse All-Stars and classically trained clarinetist Paul Wexler to form Yidn, which simply means "Jews." (Visit Yidn's online store.)

Yidn - Araber Tantz (Live)
Yidn - Ma Yofus (Live)
Yidn - Purim Nigun (Live)
Yidn - Yishmekhu (Live)

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 20:08:43 GMT

I originally found out about the slowed-down version of "The Chipmunks Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)" over at Said The Gramophone last summer. The original review stated (and it's all pretty much true), "Yes, hear Simon, Theodore and Alvin at their true speed, sounding respectively like an accountant, a hot-dog vendor, and a lunatic." (Buy Merry Christmas From The Chipmunks from Amazon.)

The Chipmunks - The Chipmunks Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) (Half-Speed Version)

Buoys And Ghouls

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 23:11:50 GMT

Groovie Ghoulies have a vocalist that reminds me of a punk version of Billy Corgan. Maybe you will disagree, which is possible; people never seem to agree with me when I say someone looks or sounds like someone else. Groovie Ghoulies aren't reinventing punk music or anything, but that doesn't mean they aren't good - not everything has to be so cutting edge all the time. If they ever become popular, fifty years from now they would be oldies but goodies.

Groovie Ghoulies - The Beast With Five Hands
Groovie Ghoulies - 50,000 Spaceships (Watching Over Me)
Groovie Ghoulies - Let's Do It Again
Groovie Ghoulies - 'Til Death Do Us Party

Think-Of-Something-To-Do-And-See-That-Task-To-Completion!

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 04:27:08 GMT

I don't remember where I got this link, but David Cross's open letter to Larry "The Cable Guy" is hilarious, analytical and worth a read.

AN OPEN LETTER TO LARRY THE CABLE GUY
Thursday, December 01, 2005

Hi everybody!

The following is a letter I wrote after picking up Git-R-Done - The Larry The Cable Guy Story (ghost written by Susan Sontag). I have to warn you that it's nearly 11 pages long. But I think it's chock full of life lessons for all of us and if you're not careful... you just might learn something!

An open letter to Larry The Cable Guy:

Hello Larry,

It's me, David Cross. Recently I was shooting something for my friends at "Wonder Showzen" (the funniest, most subversive comedy on American T.V. at the moment) and when we were taking a break one of the guys on the show asked me if I had seen some article in something somewhere wherein you were interviewed to promote your new book "Please-Git-R-Done" (published by Crown Books $23.95 U.S.) and they asked about your devoting a chapter to slamming me and the "P.C. Left". Since I stopped following your career shortly after you stopped going on stage wearing a tool belt with cable wrapped around your neck (around your appearance at "Laffs 'n' Food" in Enid, Oklahoma Aug 23-26 1999?) I said I wasn't aware of the article. They went on to tell me that you said basically (and I am not quoting but paraphrasing their recall) that I could kiss your ass, that I've never been to one of your shows (true) and that I didn't know your audience (untrue).

SO, I went and got your book, "Gitting-R-Donned", and excitedly skimmed past the joke about that one time you farted and something farty happened, on past the thing about the fat girl who farted and finally found it, . Well, needless to say I farted. I farted up a fartstorm right there in the Flyin' J Travel Center. I fartingly bought the book and took it home with an excitement I haven't experienced since I got Bertha Chudfarter's Grandma drunk and she took her teeth out and blew me as I was finger banging her while wearing a Jesus sock puppet in the back of the boiler room at The Church of the Redeemer off I-20 (I don't care who you are, that's funny.)

Anyhoo, I got home and read the good parts. It seems that you were pissed off at Rolling Stone magazine, and I can understand why. You made some good points in your argument as well. I agree that there is an eliteism and bias in the press and too often a writer will include asides to show the readers how smart he or she is and how "above it" they are. But come on! Surely you can't be surprised, or worse, hurt or offended by this. You even say in the book that you knew what you were getting into (Rolling Stone being all "lefty" and whatnot). Certainly I'm not surprised that they took a ten minute phone conversation with me and chose to print only the most inflammatory paragraph within it. That's what they do.

But I want to address some of the things you write about me in "Git-to-Gittin'-r-Done". In response to the Rolling Stone article, but first let me say this; you are very mistaken if you think that I don't know your audience. Hell, I could've been heckled by the parents of some of the very people that come see you now. I grew up in Roswell, Georgia (near the Funny Bone and not far from The Punch Line). The very first time I went on stage was at The Punch Line in Sandy Springs in 1982 when I was 17. I cut my teeth in the south and my first road gigs ever were in Augusta, Charleston, Baton Rouge, and Louisville. I remember them very well, specifically because of the audience. I remember thinking (occasionally, not all the time) "what a bunch of dumb redneck, easily entertained, ignorant motherfuckers. I can't believe the stupid shit they think is funny." So, yes, I do know your audience, and they suck. And they're simple. And please don't mistake this as coming from a place of bitterness because I didn't "make it" there or, I'm not as successful as you because that's not it at all. Since I was a kid I've always been a little over sensitive to the glorification and rewarding of dumb. The "salt of the earth, regular, every day folk" (or lowest common denominator) who see the world, and the people like me in it, as on some sort of secular mission to take away their flag lapels and plaster-of-paris jesus television adornments strike me as childishly paranoid. But perhaps the funniest (oddest) thing in your book is you taking me to task for being P.C. Have you heard my act?! I'll match your un-P.C.ness any day of the week my friend. I truly believe, and have said onstage amongst other things that, orthodox Jews are bar none, the most annoying people, as a group, that walk this earth. I absolutely refuse to say the term "African-American". It's a ridiculous and ill-applied label that was accepted with a thoughtless rush just to make white people feel at ease and slightly noble. I also believe that in the right setting that, as unfortunate as it may be, retarded people can be a near constant source of entertainment (fact!). Larry, whether northern, southern, straight, gay, male, female, liberal, conservative, Christian or Jew, I've walked them all. It didn't matter if it was a room full of "enlightened" hippie lesbian wicans at Catch A Rising Star in Cambridge, MA or literally hundreds of students at the University of St. Louis (a Jesuit school) or a roomful of the cutest, angriest frat boys in Baton Rouge all threatening to beat me up, I un-P.C.'d the shit out of them. That's another thing that bothers me too. I honestly believe that if we had worked a week together at whatever dumb-ass club in American Strip Mall #298347 in God's Country U.S.A and hung out that week and got good and drunk after the shows, that you and I would've been making each other laugh (I imagine we would have politely disagreed on a few things) but not only would we be laughing but we'd often be laughing at the expense of some of the audience members at that nights show and you know it. I'll address your easy, bullshit sanctimonious "don't mess with my audience" crap further on. But for now, let's "Gittle-R-Ding-Dong-Done!"

Okay, here's what I said in the RS interview: "He's good at what he does. It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor -- which people like in America - all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel, selling-ring tones-act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."

You took umbrage at my calling a lot of your act anti-gay and racist and said that "...according to Cross and the politically correct police, any white comedians who mention the word 'black' or say something humorous but faintly negative about any race are racists."

Well, first of all, your act is racist. Maybe not all the time, but it certainly can be. Here, let me quote you back, word for word, some of your "faintly negative" humor and I'll let people judge for themselves.

Re: Abu Ghraib Torture -

"Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker basket on the head balancing scumbags something!"

Re: Having a Muslim cleric give the opening prayer at the Republican Convention -

"What the hell is this the cartoon network? The Republicans had a muslim give the opening prayer at there (sic) convention! What the hell's going on around here! Is Muslim now the official religion of the United States!... First these peckerheads ( Ironically, "peckerhead" was a derogatory word slaves and their offspring used to describe white people) fly planes into towers and now theys (sic) prayin' before conventions! People say not all of em did that and I say who gives a rats fat ass! That's a fricken slap in the face to New York city by having some muslim sum-bitch give the invocation at the republican convention! This country pretty much bans the Christian religion (the religion of George Washington and John Wayne) virtually from anything public and then they got us watchin' this muslim BS!! Ya wanna pray to allah then drag yer flea infested ass over to where they pray to allah at!" End Quote. So... yeah. There you go. This quote goes on and on but my favorite part is when you say towards the end, "...now look, I love all people (except terrorist countries that want to kill us)..."

There are numerous examples and I don't think I need to reprint any more. You get the idea. Oh, what the hell, here's one more - "They're dead, get over it! Poor little sandy asses! I'm sure all them dead folks'd they'd killed give 40 shekels or whatever kinda money these inbred sumbitches use, but I'd give 40 of 'em whatever it is to be humiliated instead of dead!"

Okay Larry The Cable Guy, I will ignore the irony of a big ole southern redneck character actually using "inbred" as an insult, as well as the fact that a shekel is currency from Israel, the towel heads sworn enemy. But at least you're passionate about what you see as inhumane injustice (not on a global level of course, but on a national level) and the simple black and white of what's right and what's wrong. It's kinda like you're this guy who speaks for all these poor, unfortunate souls out there who wear shirts with blue collars on them, work hard all day to put food on the table for their family (unlike people who wear shirts with white collars or wear scrubs or t-shirts or dresses or costumes that consist of flannel shirts with the sleeves cut-off and old trucker hats) and pray to the American Flag of Jesus to protect them from the evils of muslims, queers, illegal immigrants, and the liberal jews who run Hollywood and the media. I guess one could say that you're "telling it like it is". And considering the vast amount of over-simplification you employ to describe with sweeping generalizations, all of America and the World that "don't make no sense to you", as well as your lack of sensitivity, and second grade grammar, one might be led to think that you are somewhat proud of not appearing (or being) too intellectual. Combine that with your sucker appeal to the knee-jerk white Christian patriot in us all who would much rather hear 87 fart jokes than hear a joke in which the President (the current one, not the last one) or the Pope, or Born-Again Christians, or Lee Greenwood get called on their shit for being the hypocrites that they are, and I think we've got a winner!

About being Anti-Gay. I honestly take that back. I do not think that you are anti-gay, I didn't choose those words wisely. Your stuff isn't necessarily anti-gay but rather stupid and easy. "Madder than a queer with lock jaw on Valentines Day." That's not that funny, I don't care who you are. It's just sooo easy. I mean, over half the planet sucks dick so why gays? Why not truck stop whores, or Hollywood Starlets or housewives? Because when you say "queer" you get an easy laugh. End of story.

As for being a multi-millionaire in disguise, that's just merely a matter of personal taste for me. I do not begrudge you your money at all, it is sincerely hard earned and you deserve whatever people want to give to you. What sticks in my craw about that stuff is the blatant and (again, personal taste) gross marketing and selling of this bullshit character to your beloved fans. Now look, if someone wants to pay top dollar to come to one of your shows and then drop a couple hundred more on "Git-R-Done" lighters and hats and t-shirts and windshield stickers and trailer hitches and beer koozies and fishing hats and shot glasses etc, then good for you. I just think it's a little crass and belies the "good ole boy" blue collar thing you represent. But that's no big deal.

Now, as for the last statement that "We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."

Well, I think that's true. When you can rally the troops (so to speak) with a lazy, "latte drinking, tofu eating" generalization of Liberals and "Back ass rag fags" to describe Arabs, then, yeah, I think that falls in the "ignorant" category. I think that with even the slightest attention to the double standard and hypocrisy of both the Left and the Right in this country (if not all of the Christian Extremists as a whole) coupled with the bullshit they lazily swallow and parrot back while happily ignoring the gross inhumane treatment of those that aren't them so that we may have cheap sneakers and oil and slightly less taxes (although I'm sure the bracket you're in now gives you a ton of tax money back), then you could maybe see my point. Now here's the best part - in your book you preface the above quote by saying, "...but I guess I'm not as intellectual as David Cross. In that Rolling Stone article, he sure showed us what a deep thinker he is by sayin' "America is in a stage of vague intellectual pride." Jesus Christ can you even fucking read?! Whoever read that article to you butchered the actual quote. The quote that was right fucking in front of their face! I would fire your official reader and have them replaced with a Hooters Girl who doesn't fart. That way you have something nice to look at while you are getting your misinformation.

As for "anti-intellectual pride", that is Larry The Cable Guy in spades. Let me quote you again (from an on-line interview, "I consider my jokes to be very jeuvinille (sic). Stuff a 14 year old would laugh at because that's the ...sence (sic) of humor I have.". Hmmm, okay. That was easy.

Well, I suppose I've already covered part of that in the above. But you also specifically dumb down your speech while making hundreds of purposefully grammatical errors. How do I know this? It's on page 17 of your book wherein you describe how you would "Larry" up your commentaries for radio. What does it mean to "Larry" something up? Take a wild guess. The reason you feel the need to "Larry" something up? Because you are not that dumb. I mean you, Dan Whitney, the guy who's name the bank account is under. You were born and raised in Nebraska (hardly The South), went to private school and moved to Florida when you were 16. This is when you developed your accent?! Not exactly the developmental years are they? At age 16 that's the kind of thing you have to make a concerted effort to adopt. Did you hire a voice coach? Or were you like one of those people who go to England for a week and come back sounding like an extra from "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels"? As you said yourself in an interview once, "I can pop in and out of it pretty much whenever I want". In your book on page 89 you say in reference to the "gee-shucks" millionaire comment, "...see, to his (David's) mind, bein' well paid means I'm no longer real and I can't be a country boy anymore. It's just an act." Hey, it's always been an act! That's my fucking point! You admit it yourself so cut the indignation shit. And I am in no way deriding your work ethic. You clearly have more fart jokes than most and for that I applaud you. You go on to talk about how hard you work and life on the road and living on Waffle House and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I get it, we’ve all been there and played shitty, degrading gigs and sacrificed etc, etc. Then you say, "...this (the personal attack) was different because David basically hammered my fans in that RS article by implying that they were ignorant. He crossed the line when he railed against them, so I had to tell ya what I felt about that. He can hammer me all he wants, but when he screwed with my fans, it was time for me to say something." Aww, that's so sweet and egregious. I can't stand that fan ass kissing bullshit. You and Dane Cook ought to get together and have a "my-fan's-are-the-greatest-people-on-earth-and-that's-why-I-do-this" off. You could both sell a shit load of merch too. But having said that, I would truly love to get some of your fans and my fans in a room together to debate some of the finer points on comedy, music, culture, the issues facing our country today and just about anything else we might find worthy of discussion. My fans are pretty smart as well. They are also, I imagine, as "hard-working" as your fans. Not all of them of course, but most. And I'm sure that they may come up with some genuinely interesting, insightful points (and would do so without spouting a bunch of meaningless Christian platitudes). And if you really, truly want to respect your fans, lower your ticket price as well as the price of your ubiquitous merchandise. I'm sure all those hard-working Americans could use the extra money now that the budgets are being cut drastically from Transportation, Education, Health and Human Services, HUD, Dept of the Interior, EPA, Farm Service Agency, FEMA, Agricultural, FDA, VA, FDA, FHA, National Center for Environmental Health, and numerous other departments and agencies that they might directly rely on for help. All so that we can pay off this massive tax cut during "war" time that we're all getting (them not so much though). Oh well, that's just one of those "political" things that I think about occasionally.

Anyway, I just wanted to address the stuff you wrote about me and clear some things up. Mostly the air around here... I just farted!!!!!

Think-Of-Something-To-Do-And-See-That-Task-To-Completion!!!!!

Fart,
David Cross

Upright-Standing Man of the Year, 2005
Glorious Noise Records

CHICAGO - Online music and culture magazine Glorious Noise has named
actor Johnny Depp its "Upright-Standing Man of the Year" for 2005, citing
his commitment to doing cool things.

Glorious Noise said 2005 was a year of extraordinary sadness and
weirdness in which extreme natural disasters ravaged the planet and
author/journalist Dr. Hunter S. Thompson took his own life.

"Thompson met every birthday with surprise; unable to believe he'd made
it through another year without meeting a glorious, surely explosive
end," said Derek Phillips, co-founder of Glorious Noise.

The 2005 "Upright-Standing Man of the Year" article was released online
on Monday.

"When asked why he was willing to throw down two and a half million
dollars to pay for Hunter S. Thompson's farewell send off in a cannon
blast last August, Johnny Depp replied, 'All I'm doing is trying to make
sure his last wish comes true. I just want to send my pal out the way he
wants to go out.' That alone is reason enough to elect him Emperor for
Life, but GLONO doesn't have that kind of power, despite what you may
have heard."

Glorious Noise praised Depp for attacking paparazzi in Europe and
threatening magazines that publish photos of his children: "Just make sure
that you're really far away because if I'm able to get my hands on you
I'll swallow your nose. I'd bite your nose off and swallow it."

Depp compared the Bush administration's Iraq policies to "something
like a dumb puppy that has big teeth" long before the president's ratings
began to freefall.

Depp also has excellent fashion sense, Glorious Noise said.

This is the inaugural year for the "Upright-Standing Man of the Year"
distinction.

The Jerk

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 00:19:55 GMT

Iran's President Bans All Western Music
By NASSER KARIMI
46 minutes ago

TEHRAN, Iran - Hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has banned all Western music from Iran's state radio and TV stations — an eerie reminder of the 1979 Islamic revolution when popular music was outlawed as "un-Islamic" under Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini.

Today, though, the sounds of hip-hop can be heard blaring from car radios in Tehran's streets, and Eric Clapton's "Rush" and the Eagles' "Hotel California" regularly accompany Iranian broadcasts.

No more — the official IRAN Persian daily reported Monday that Ahmadinejad, as head of the Supreme Cultural Revolutionary Council, ordered the enactment of an October ruling by the council to ban all Western music, including classical music, on state broadcast outlets.

"Blocking indecent and Western music from the Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting is required," according to a statement on the council's official Web site.

Iranian guitarist Babak Riahipour lamented what he called a "terrible" decision. "The decision shows a lack of knowledge and experience," he said.

Music was outlawed by Khomeini soon after the 1979 revolution. Many musicians went abroad and built an Iranian music industry in Los Angeles.

But as revolutionary fervor started to fade, some light classical music was allowed on Iranian radio and television; some public concerts reappeared in the late 1980s.

In the 1990s, particularly during the presidency of reformist Mohammad Khatami starting in 1997, authorities began relaxing restrictions further. These days in Iran, Western music, films and clothing are widely available in Iran. Bootleg videos and DVDs of films banned by the state are widely available on the black market.

Ahmadinejad's order means the state broadcasting authority must execute the decree and prepare a report on its implementation within six months, according to the IRAN Persian daily.

Earlier this month, Ali Rahbari, conductor of Tehran's symphony orchestra, resigned and left Iran to protest the treatment of the music industry in Iran.

Before leaving, he played Beethoven's Ninth Symphony to packed Tehran theater houses over several nights last month — its first performance in Tehran since the 1979 revolution. The performances angered many conservatives and prompted newspaper columns accusing Rahbari of promoting Western values.

The ban applies to state-run radio and TV. But Iranians with satellite dishes can get broadcasts originating outside the country.

Ahmadinejad won office in August on a platform of reverting to ultraconservative principles, following the eight years of reformist-led rule under Khatami.

During his presidential campaign, Ahmadinejad also promised to confront what he called the Western cultural invasion of Iran and promote Islamic values.

Since then, Ahmadinejad has jettisoned Iran's moderation in foreign policy and pursued a purge in the government, replacing pragmatic veterans with former military commanders and inexperienced religious hard-liners.

He also has issued stinging criticisms of Israel, calling for the Jewish state to be "wiped off the map" and describing the Nazi Holocaust as a "myth."

International concerns are high over Iran's nuclear program, with the United States accusing Tehran of pursuing an atomic weapons program. Iran denies the claims.

The latest media ban also includes censorship of content of films.

"Supervision of content from films, TV series and their voice-overs is emphasized in order to support spiritual cinema and to eliminate triteness and violence," the council said in a statement on its Web site.

The council has also issued a ban on foreign movies that promote "arrogant powers," an apparent reference to the United States.

The probibitions mirror those imposed in neighboring Afghanistan during the Taliban regime, which imposed a strict version of Islamic law, including a ban on music and film. The Taliban was ousted by a U.S.-led coalition in late 2001.

Now, I can understand banning some of it, but all of it?

Caw!

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 22:39:25 GMT

The Vultures (CT) play high-speed surf music in Connecticut, perhaps one of the least surfiest places on Earth. Despite this, they offer an entire album of free cover songs for your listening pleasure. If you like surf music, you will probably like this, too; if you don't like surf music, this probably still won't change your mind. But no matter what, just remember - nothing chases away those winter blues like a double shot of surf guitar. (The Vultures CT do not yet have an online store.)

The Vultures (CT), Free!
The Vultures (CT) - The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (track 1)
The Vultures (CT) - Walk, Don't Run (track 2)
The Vultures (CT) - Percolator (track 3)
The Vultures (CT) - A Taste Of Honey (track 4)
The Vultures (CT) - Misirlou (track 5)
The Vultures (CT) - The Munsters (track 6)

Maps To Stars' Homes

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 04:23:13 GMT

Music Map is a kind of interesting project; you type in the name of a musician or band and it creates a sort of free-floating relationship-based diagram that is surprisingly accurate in pin-pointing similar musicians.

Leave, Leave Me Alone

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 23:46:23 GMT

According to The Wiktionary, an epoxy is "a thermosetting resin used chiefly in strong adhesives and coatings and laminates." According to me, The Epoxies are a good band. They are heavily influenced by the paranoid-sounding-singing bands of the new wave era, but that isn't normally a bad thing (at least not in my book). (Visit The Epoxies online store.)

The Epoxies - Bathroom Stall (music video)
The Epoxies - Molded Plastic (music video)
The Epoxies - Need More Time
The Epoxies - Need More Time (music video)
The Epoxies - Stop Looking At Me (music video)
The Epoxies - Synthesized (music video)
The Epoxies - You (music video)